When you were a little younger, prom seemed like it would be so cool.

Magical, even.

Admit it. After you watched High School Musical 3, you pictured yourself dancing and singing in perfect unison with your whole senior class.

Prom is a beautiful thing—in theory. But now the movies are on the shelf, your own prom is reality, and it’s looking you square in the dateless face. Suddenly prom seems less magical, and more like just another way for high school to torture you. The closer it gets, the more overwhelming the prospect becomes—and expensive, too.

If you’ve decided to go to prom, one of two factors is likely the reason—either you’re holding out for that magical night (or at the very least, a fun memory), or you’re going because someone else really wants you to—probably your mom. Your whole “Prom-is-stupid-and-a-waste-of-money-and-I-won’t-have-fun” speech didn’t get you very far. Plus, you’re tired of hearing her say that one day when you’re older, you’re really going to regret not going.

In either case, you’re going to the prom, and you need help. So, how does a Christian teen not just survive prom, but also make good memories without spending his or her entire college savings? Maybe these tips will help!

Tip #1: The invite

You’re almost afraid to get on Instagram. If you do, you know you’re going to see pictures of girls getting asked to prom in way-over-the-top fashion. Like guys who have the school mascot hold up a sign that reads, Emily, will you go to prom with me? during the seventh inning stretch at the varsity baseball game. Five cupcakes of different flavors delivered on one knee in the school lunchroom, each with a letter on top spelling out the big question: PROM? Seriously, what are these people going to do when it’s time to propose marriage one day?

And what are you going to do now? How do you even compete with that?

You don’t. There’s no need to hire a pilot to write your prom invitation in the sky or surprise your intended date with a picnic in the woods with a prom ticket hidden in his or her chicken sandwich. Guys, let the competitors go on competing without you, and save your best stuff for the girl you’ll ask a far more important question of one day. As long as you ask well in advance and speak with confident sincerity, you should be good to go.

P.S. Don’t ask her via text!

04-15-07 © Mary Morgan

Tip #2: The outfit

After you move past the urge to wear a bright orange tuxedo like the one Lloyd wore in Dumb and Dumber, the choices are pretty easy if you’re a guy.

But, ladies, dress shopping is different. Way different. The thought of showing up in the same dress as someone else is horrifying, and you don’t want to spend a fortune. That basically leaves you with a few options: buy the expensive dress, look for a good deal, let your mom make your dress, or borrow one from someone your size who graduated recently.  Now, let’s be honest, the likelihood of your mom having the skill set to pull off dressmaking to the extent that you don’t have a massive fight ending in tears is slim. Good deals on dresses can be hard to find, especially if you didn’t start looking early enough.

So, that leaves you with one inexpensive option if you’re in a time crunch: borrow. It’s not that hard. Put Facebook to good use. Look up some girls you know who graduated in the past few years and creep on their prom pictures. Then, ask them if you can borrow a dress, and voilá, problem solved!

And there’s a bonus, too: you’ll help your friend feel better about the money she spent on that dress that she’ll never wear again.

Tip #3: The ride

This part is tricky. If it’s just you and your date riding together in your car, you risk awkwardness and boredom. If you go with a big group in a party bus, you risk paying for the consequences of someone else’s bad choices.
On prom night, you need to be able to trust your whole group. Your best option, then, is to go with one or two other couples. If you feel the need to travel like J. Biebs in a limo, then go with no more than 8-10 people you know well and split the cost.

Tip #4: The before plan

You’ll probably be expected to go eat somewhere before you hit the dance floor. Still, there are some great options that lie somewhere between Long John Silver’s and the fanciest, most expensive restaurant in town. You don’t need a menu that you’d need a degree in culinary arts to understand. You do need good ambience and food—and prices that fall in the range of normalcy that you’re used to.

Make reservations. No one wants to be sitting around waiting an hour for a table when their friends are already dancing the night away.

Tip #5: The after plan

This may be unpopular, but here’s a thought—you could go home after prom, and get a good night’s rest before church the next morning. There, I said it.

But since I know you think that plan stinks, here’s some alternate advice on the after-prom plan: have one. Know where you’re going and who you’ll be with. Do NOT go to a hotel or someone’s boat on the lake; those are bad ideas no matter how logical they seem when your friends describe them to you. If you just have to go to someone’s house after prom, make sure it’s someone you trust, that your parents know about the plan, and that some adults will be there, too.

If that’s not an option, see if your parents will let you have a small after-prom get-together at your house. Think one-last-youth-group-lock-in. Drink sodas, play games, watch movies. Most of all, honor Jesus.
Your mom may have been wrong about other stuff, but she’s right about this; you don’t want to regret prom night when you’re older.

This article was written for the April 2013 issue of ec by Cynthia Hopkins. Get your subscription here: www.lifeway.com/ec.

05-15-08 © Andrejs Zemdega

“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things.”
—Philippians 4:8

Purity can be defined as freedom from contaminants. It can also be defined as innocence.

Dwelling on purity means that you focus on purity, that you let your mind linger on it. It means that for a definite majority of your time, your thoughts are directed toward purity. Your focus isn’t keeping the rules or not doing something. Instead, you choose to center your life around what is pure, true, genuine, righteous, and good. So, how do you do that? Let’s take a look at three areas that will help you pursue purity in all areas of your life.

Avoid Contamination

Have you ever gotten a cup and discovered that it wasn’t quite clean? Ever opened a gallon of milk that smelled sour? What did you do? You probably didn’t gulp down the sour milk or drink from a dirty glass. They weren’t clean or pure; they were contaminated. To avoid the contamination, you probably threw the milk out or picked another, cleaner glass.

As careful as we are with contaminants entering our bodies, many of us have trouble filtering the contaminants that can enter our minds. Think about the movies or television shows you watch. What kind of things do you allow to enter into your mind? How are the lyrics to the music on your playlist? What kind of sites are you viewing on the Internet? How about your interactions on social media? Can these things be described as true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, or commendable?

Establish Boundaries

The scene is set. The prom is over, the car is comfy, and the two of you are alone. What next? Do you go to that secluded place you know, choose to hang out with friends, or simply call it a night? This decision can change the course of your life.

The point is that in the heat of the moment, it is easy to choose the wrong path impulsively. If you have established boundaries beforehand, and adhere to them, you will save yourself from making a tragic mistake.

That truth doesn’t just apply to sexual situations, but to other areas of your life, as well. Purity isn’t just about sex; it’s a way of thinking that affects every part of your life. So, setting boundaries concerning what you will do with friends, what behaviors you expect of yourself, and even what level of honesty and dependability you desire of your reputation will free you from making split-second decisions that have negative consequences.

Take time to think about what boundaries you need to establish in all areas of your life and stick with them. Do you have boundaries in dating? What about negative or destructive behaviors? Do you set boundaries considering how you treat or talk about others? Establishing boundaries may not sound like fun, but the standards you hold can prevent you from making choices that result in negative consequences.

Embrace Structure

Structure . . . who wants structure? Isn’t this the time in your life for fun?

No one enjoys having schedules and rules forced upon them, but some structure in your life is good. Structure requires self-discipline. No one can do it for you. So, embrace structure and take time to regularly fill your mind with good things. Spend time in God’s Word, learning about the honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, and morally excellent things God has outlined there. Join together with like-minded believers by going to church and helping one another learn, grow, and truly live the Christian life! Spend time with God in prayer, bringing your concerns to Him and listening for Him to answer, as well.

Purity isn’t about what you do or don’t do. It’s a state of mind, a way of life. Pursuing purity means that you’re focusing your mind and every part of your life on what God says is good and right for you. So, avoid contamination, establish boundaries, and embrace structure. These three changes will help you dwell upon whatever is pure.

You can start today by choosing to shut out the contaminants in your life, writing down boundaries you need in your life, getting real concerning your church and your youth group, and beginning a regular time to meet with God in Bible study and prayer.

This article is excerpted from “Whatever Is Pure” by Kevin Garrett in the April 2013 issue of ec. You can get your subscription here: www.lifeway.com/ec.

Does that sound about right?

Absolutely not. Those scenarios are ridiculous. That’s because in the real world, you have real expectations. Your teachers expect you to do your own work. Your boss expects you to have integrity. Your coach expects you to leave it all on the field or court. Your parents expect you to honor their rules.

No matter how high these expectations may seem, you most likely do a great job living up to them. In fact, the higher the expectation, the harder you probably work to make it happen. Setting high standards is a great way to motivate yourself to excel.

But, sadly, when it comes to our spiritual lives, we don’t often set very high standards for ourselves. We push ourselves academically, socially, and at work, but when it comes to walking with God, we slack off and accept mediocrity. We justify not reading our Bibles, not sharing our faith, skipping student ministry activities, and not praying— all in the name of “being busy.” The truth is, our standards are too low. We were created for more.

You were created for more.

The beauty of walking with God is that He is the source of energy for all the other activities in our lives. Not only that, but all other commitments in our lives have the potential to become false gods. A false god is anything that gets most of your heart, passion, time, thoughts, and joy. To keep this from happening, Jesus has to be the priority in your life.

Setting the Bar

So, what do you do when you have high standards for yourself in every area of your life except your spiritual growth? Here are five quick ideas:

1. Lose the guilt. Walking with God isn’t about feeling guilty because you miss church every now and then. Following Christ is about finding a joy and forgiveness so captivating that you can’t help but give Him your everything. It’s about returning again and again to His presence because you find yourself there. It’s about hiding His Word in your heart because it’s a sword to fight off the enemy. Walking with God is an adventure and delight. It is not a burden or another to-do list. Change your perspective.
2. Set some goals. Write down two or three realistic spiritual goals. Beginner goals might include: memorizing one verse a month, listening to worship music on the way to school, or praying with a friend every day.Radical goals could be memorizing a book of Scripture, organizing a student-led fast for the lost at your school, praying for an hour in the morning, sharing Christ with a teacher, making friends with the outcasts, or going on a mission trip.
3. Find a coach and a team. You weren’t meant to live the Christian life alone. You need a spiritual leader who pushes you to reach spiritual victories. You also need a team of Christian friends. If you’ve become disconnected from student ministry, it’s almost a guarantee you’ve also fallen away from your relationship with God. Get reconnected and start seeking Christ consistently with other committed believers.
4. Celebrate your victories. Did you reach one of your goals? Celebrate! Tell your coach and your encouragers. (See tip 2.) Praise God and be proud of the work He’s doing in you. When you win a big game, the team celebrates. It should be the same in your spiritual life.
5. Sacrifice to excel. You can be too over-committed to being spiritually healthy. Boldly, cut some things out of your life. It might be a sports team, a job, or a demanding friendship. Anything that keeps you away from God is an enemy. Build a fortress around your walk with God. Push back anything that tries to take away from that relationship.

Without Christ at the center of your life, any positive aspiration has the power to become a slave-master, whether it’s sports, academics, or a desire to be good at something. It will exhaust you, weaken you, and never satisfy.

You don’t accidentally make straight A’s, and you can’t live a godly life accidentally. You were made to run after God. You were wired to do great things for the name of Christ.

So, what mark do you want to leave on your high school, your community, or your family? Expect great things from yourself spiritually. Then, get ready because God will do even more than you ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within you (Eph. 3:20).

This article was written for the March 2013 issue of ec by Jennifer McCaman. Get your subscription here: www.lifeway.com/ec.

So, how do you blaze your own trail when your brother or sister has gone before you? Check out the following tips:

1. Pursue your own interests.

Jeremy’s older brother was the quarterback for his high school football team and led them through two winning seasons. So, when Jeremy came in as a freshman, the coach repeatedly approached him about playing for the team. But Jeremy wasn’t remotely interested in sports. He had played in middle school and really didn’t enjoy it. Rather than give into the coach’s requests to join the team, Jeremy explained that football just wasn’t his thing. Not having practice for sports freed him up to join the debate team, where he excelled. Soon, he was making his own mark.
Instead of trying to make yourself into version 2.0 of your sibling, figure out what interests you and invest your time and effort there.

2. Focus on your strengths.

Sarah always dreaded the first day of school in math class. The minute her teacher figured out she was related to her older sister, the teacher would make a comment like, “Your sister was one of my favorites! I’m looking forward to having another A student!” The problem? Sarah struggled in math and felt resentful that things had come so easily for her sister. But, during her sophomore year of high school, Sarah discovered a passion for writing and started to focus on that instead. Focusing on her strength helped her to feel better about herself, even in the classes where she wasn’t as successful as her sister.
Don’t beat yourself up for not being as good at something as your sibling. You’re each unique—and that’s a good thing!

3. Think outside the box.

Troy’s older sister was really involved in the drama program at his school, and she’d gotten the lead in the school play several times. She was also really outgoing and had a lot of friends. But Troy was fairly shy and always felt like his parents expected him to have a different personality, that they wanted him to be more like his more outgoing sister. They worried when he would hang out with the same friend every weekend or turn down an invitation to a party. Then, during his junior year, Troy found a job at a comic book shop, where he made friends with similar interests. When his parents recognized that he was content, they backed off.
We’re not all wired the same way. Your siblings may be extroverts who thrive on crowds of people and lots of friends, while you’re an introvert who cherishes a few, deep friendships with people who really get you. Instead of hating your differences, learn to celebrate them!

4. Let go of bitterness.

Jason’s brother never liked to play by the rules. In high school, he constantly got into trouble and barely graduated. That legacy left a long shadow. Jason always felt like teachers would blame things on him in class because they expected him to behave like his brother. This caused him to grow bitter and angry. One of Jason’s friends noticed Jason’s anger and encouraged Jason to forgive his brother and let it go. Once Jason did, his whole mood and attitude changed. He also politely told his teachers about how their assumptions made him feel. Once they were aware of his experience, they adjusted their expectations of him. It’s hard to live in a sibling’s shadow, especially when he or she didn’t have a very good reputation. The easiest thing to do would be to hold on to those bitter feelings and let them define who you are. But as a Christian, bitterness shouldn’t be one of your defining characteristics. Learn to forgive and focus your worth on who you are in Christ.

5. Identify what’s really important.

Stacy’s sister was a cheerleader who won homecoming queen and was voted most attractive in senior superlatives. Stacy envied her and would constantly compare herself to her. But the summer before her junior year, Stacy went on a mission trip to an orphanage in Honduras. The children there were so full of joy, even in the midst of poverty. Suddenly popularity and social status seemed less important to Stacy. That fall, Stacy started a service club at her school; she had replaced her priorities with something more meaningful. If you spend all your time trying to outshine your sibling, it may be time to realign your values. Jealousy and constant comparison are not the way God has called you to live. Focus your purpose and your worth in Christ, then let Him define what’s really important. And don’t be surprised if your priorities shift!
It can be hard to follow in the footsteps of an older sibling. Sometimes the expectations can be overwhelming, but try to enjoy your differences. Ultimately, God is the one writing your story, and it’s yours alone—no one else’s.

This article was written for the March 2013 issue of ec by Gretchen Williams. Get your subscription here: www.lifeway.com/ec.